I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
