what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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