hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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