Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
