I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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