You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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