I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
