you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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