please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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