An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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