I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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