What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
