OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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