there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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