FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
