i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
