I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
