i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
