i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
