i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
