Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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