I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
