But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
