grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
