Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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