I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
