I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
