Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
