just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
