Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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