remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
