my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
