1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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