Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize