she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
