Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
