He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
