Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
