Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
