No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
