Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
