I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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