I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
