Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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