I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i drank out of a bidet.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
