So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
