Only a mothe r could love this liver
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
