what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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