He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize