The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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