Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
