This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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