She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
