They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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