did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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