but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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