So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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