if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
