I CAN MOONWALK!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize