I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
do herpes really smell.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize