why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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