I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
