I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
