If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize