so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
