I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
