Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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