My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
