if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
