Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
