Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
