I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
