when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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