I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
