"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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