just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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