I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize