I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
