mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
