omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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