Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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