My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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